Just this week I encoutered an event in my personal life which, on the face of things, didn’t silence me as I found myself yelping out in pain as a result of someone physically hurting me. The interesting fact to me was and is that I felt silenced, unable to express anything of what was happening by moving my body out of the line of attack and or addressing what had happened with the person inflicting pain on me. I noticed I just allowed the event to disapear into the ether – that was until I found myself sitting in my car sobbing. I recognised this as a pattern I have repeated endlessly since possibly as far back as my birth…. a constant silencing of my own voice, my authentic voice.
I was driving today listening to radio 4 and someone being interviewed who, as a child, had her arm removed as a result of cancer. The way this been conveyed to her, that she was to have this done was difficult. Obviously difficult for the Mother to tell her and for the child herself but now, as an adult, she was very positive about it, the family ethos seemingly to be “we just get on with it”. I heard something else in her voice however… a holding it all together.
Should we hold it all together and just get on with things, burying the true feelings? I don’t feel we are taking care of ourselves when we do this. I wasn’t taking care of myself earlier this week when I was physically harmed. It was a natural, habitual reflex, one that only by seeing, releasing the trauma through the recognition and the tears was I able to begin to find balance about it and more importantly begin to address the patterns I have laid down in my life.
My Authentic Voice needed to be heard but was so traumatised that it couldn’t be. How many times in our lives do we stifle our inner voice? Why do we do this and how can we allow it to be heard?
Thoughts for the week… by for now
Flick
I agree Flick – it’s an important subject. I remember in childbirth (30 years ago, maybe it’s different now) there was an attitude in the delivery suite that the primal sounds of childbirth needed to be toned down, but they felt very necessary and very natural and part of the earthiness and vibration which had to be part of the process. Sorry it’s me again, you can’t get rid of me that easily! Love, Lana
whilst reading this blog I thought of my own voice and how much its changed over the years. In my 20s I couldnt sing in front of anyone, didnt think I had a good voice but knew I enjoyed singing. In my 20s I was also afriad to speak my mind for fear of being disliked and abandoned. In my 30s I could sing in my home in front of my kids and partner, I started to realise that I had a voice and sometimes even liked it but only thought of it as weak and ordinary. Now in my 40s I know that my voice is strong and powerful and improving each time I shed some more of my old negetive belief patterns and fears. Im comfortable in myself and with what I have to say more than I have ever been, in the past, although, I am aware theres much more work to do. Whilst reading your blog it hit me of how fantastic my voice really is and of the potential it has of becoming more fantastic, as I release the old and grow into my authentic self..thankyou for the work you do..wellmet..Much love Debi x
thankyou
Hi, cool site, good writing